Sensitive post!

So on January 25th 2018 I had my first ever Pap smear. I was due one when I was 25 ( September 2016) but I was pregnant with Thea so the doctors would not perform this until after I had given birth.

After I had Thea ( February 2017) , if I’m honest I was putting off having this test done, everything is scary down there after a natural delivery. Then I had the mirena fitted so I couldn’t have the test done til I had this in for 12 weeks.

Before I know it, it was January 2018 and I still hadn’t booked in, so after seeing all the reminders on Twitter and Facebook, I bit the bullet and booked my appointment. They had one the next day so I took it.

They said I would receive my results in the post within 2 weeks. I was very naive and thought everything would be fine, I’m young and healthy, and people don’t normally get abnormal results til they are atleast in their 30’s.

On Monday the 5th of February I received a call from the doctors, I got this sinking feeling it would be my results. I was right, I was told I had abnormal cells and needed to be referred to the hospital on the urgent 2 week list. I wasn’t given anymore information other than I would need further tests. So immediately every bad outcome went through my mind.. especially the dreaded C word.

Later that day I received a call from the hospital, they said they needed to see me urgently and they had a slot Thursday afternoon. I was trying to stay calm, I thought if the doctors didn’t say to much then maybe it’s just precautionary to refer everyone for abnormal results.

So Thursday has come around thick and fast, I have felt sick all week, but on the other hand cannot wait to get it out the way so I know my future. I haven’t told anyone what has been going on except my husband. If I tell people it will all feel very real, right now it’s a lot of “what’s ifs” which I can’t even think about without tearing up.

So I got to hospital 10 minutes before my appointment, looked around the waiting room and everyone in there seemed a bit older than me, and everyone was having a nice chat and smiling, however I took deep breaths trying to stay as calm as possible. Saw patients come and go. Before I knew it my name was called, the doctor introduced himself and shook my hand and introduced himself to Ryan ( he hadn’t done this to anyone else, so my heart started to race) we were sat down in his room, he started to ask me questions about my health, any symptoms I have noticed etc. Then he cut to the chase as quick as that, we have your results, they are high risk of pre cancerous cells/ cancerous cells. I literally felt the colour drain from my face. I just took a deep breath and listened to everything he said but at the same time I completely zoned out and just thought what if this is the c word!

The dr was very calm, told me I needed a colposcopy and he could perform it today. He told me what they do to remove the cells and that he will hopefully be able to tell me if it’s obvious cancer or not as he is experienced in this area. He told me if there is just a little cancer in these cells he should be able to remove this today and I should be 96% clear. Before I knew it I was walking down to the room to have a colposcopy completely in a daze.

In the room, I had to get changed straight away and lay on the bed. ( I won’t go into to much detail don’t worry) The nurse in the room was lovely, she tried to keep me so calm and tried to explain to me what they need to do, also she tried to make small talk with me, which was really hard to continue, I just kept thinking, please don’t be the C word!

I got the reliving news that he doesn’t think it’s cancer but I did need to have a loop excision to remove all the high risk abnormal cells but they will still need to be sent off for testing as he can’t say for 100% that I’m in the clear.

I let him go ahead with the procedure, I was shaking from head to toe, this was a lot of information in the space of just 15mins. Ryan thought I was going to pass out, he said that I just turned grey. Not going to lie the procedure was pretty painful, once I had the local anaesthetic and it started to work, it was a bit more bearable. ( not going to go into detail on what has to be done) feel free to google. Ryan was pretty brave, he said he could see everything the doctor was doing on a screen behind me.

Once the procedure was over the dr and nurse were so lovely, made me feel at ease and explained everything in a lot of detail of what they had done and what to expect over the next few weeks. The doctor has put urgent on my notes so I should receive the results within 2 weeks. Fingers crossed they come back that everything has been removed and I just need a follow up in 6 months!!

Now I’m home and this has all started to sink in, I’m so grateful for all the reminders people posted online and that I acted upon them. If I didn’t, I don’t even want to think of the outcome! So please book your appointment ASAP! I’m only 26, still young and these results were not what I expected for my age or my lifestyle! I have been filled with mixed emotions tonight, I’m still extremely anxious as I’m still not sure I’m 100% in the clear, I’m so relieved I got checked when I did, I’m wanting to cry every second which the nurse said was normal to feel emotional and tired after today. We were also told that as I had a substantial amount of my cervix removed we wouldn’t be able to carry another pregnancy ( at least not in the near future) not that we were planning any more but it definitely finalises this for us. There is so many more emotions that I can’t even explain.

All the local anaesthetic wore of a few hours ago and I am having the worst stomach cramping and back pain. The nurse said I should feel a little better tomorrow, but my healing time could be a little longer than the usual 4 weeks as the dr had to cut quite deep to remove all the bad cells. He thinks he has done a good job at removing everything abnormal and a little extra just to be sure!

It is now Sunday and I have been in pain with my back and stomach since Friday morning, I was told it would only take 24 hours to start to feel better. I hope it doesn’t get any worse!

Monday morning now and I need to call the doctors, have a fever and these stomach pains are awful and I have such a tender tummy even carrying Thea is hurting! This sucks! As if the waiting game for my results isn’t hard enough but I still feel so under the weather.

Spoke to the doctor who has diagnosed a uterus infection and I am now on a weeks worth of antibiotics! Let’s hope these start to work! I don’t think I can handle not picking up my baby and cuddling my kids like normal any longer!

Received my summary letter to my doctor from the hospital consultant today.. he diagnosed high dyskaryosis and he hopes if there was a micro invasion of cancer cells he has removed them with a substantial loop excision. Hope my results come through soon so I can stop worrying, but this does sound like good news. Already my anxiety has started to lift!

Now Friday, over a week since my loop excision, antibiotics are starting to work as I am in less pain now and don’t feel so weak and under the weather. I’m still feeling quite anxious, every sharp pain or ache I get I’m nervous but it is the healing process and I need to remember this! Fingers crossed for results next week!

So after 4 weeks I am feeling back to my normal self, no more pain and I feel I am recovered internally now too.Thankfully I am a quick healer!

Results arrived on the 9th March, they took a little longer than I expected.. I guess no news is good news.. Anyway.. my results show that I had severe precancerous changes but no true cancer was found in the cells! A huge weight has lifted! I feel so relieved and grateful for every reminder I saw and that I acted upon them. I didn’t realise how serious this test was until this year. Please do not avoid your appointment! They are very important!! I have to go back to the hospital in August for a test of cure smear to make sure no changes have occurred. I will have my fingers crossed that I have the all clear in 6 months time!

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